Im not really sure how else to describe it...
I realize that I always talk about the good parts of Exchange, and all of the wonderful things about it; and ALL of it is true, down to every single word! But I also realize that I need to also talk about the difficulties of Exchange, if I really want you to understand what Exchange is like, and what MY Exchange is like in Finland.
Exchange is NOT easy.
and
Exchange is NOT a vacation.
My grades from Finland are not transfering over to my school in the USA, I am only getting credits. When I tell people that, they generally react by telling me that im so lucky because, "I dont have to do anything in school", and that im "Lucky I get a year off from school."
Ill give you a little back story, and tell you how I am able to get my School Credits:
For me to get enough School credits go to on this Exchange, I actually had to take 3 Math classes on top of ALL of my other school subjects, and I could not take any electives for the whole year. (Electives are classes like Music, Art, Photography, PE...basically any of the "fun" classes.) I had 10 hours of tutoring a week during the last few months of school, where I studied for a Nationwide Standardized Test ( And I had to take this test a YEAR before I was supposed to, because I would be on Exchange when my grade would take the test.) AND on top of that, I woke up at 5am EVERY day.
I literally had NO social life for the ENTIRE last semester of the school year.
Now, dont get me wrong, I am NOT complaning. I am just trying to explain that I had to be TOTALLY dedicated to becoming an Exchange Student and earning those credits I would be missing during my year abroad.
Most people tend to think that Exchange Students just do no school work while they are on exchange...But to tell you the truth, I worked REALLY, REALLY hard to become an Exchange Student, and I am working REALLY, REALLY hard AS an Exchange Student.
Its hard to sit through school all day, and not understand a SINGLE word anybody is saying. Its hard to sit through class, and take notes, not understanding a SINGLE sentence on your paper. Its hard to sit there during group activities, and not be able to contribute at all in the activity. Its hard to give a group presentation, and just awkwardly stand in front of the entire class while your group is doing all of the work and giving the presentation without you...and you cant do anything about it, no matter HOW badly you want to participate.
Normally in school, I would be the first to start taking notes. I would do all of my work in class, and turn it in early. I would answer the questions the teacher asked, and I would already have my homework done before the class was even over...I just simplily ENJOYED school. I found joy in learning about new things, and I liked to learn everything I could about certain subjects.
HERE, in school I cant do anything. I cant participate. I cant speak. I cant listen. I cant understand.
And it is SO frusterating, and it makes me feel stupid!
It makes me feel so LIMITED. This is the best word that describes it.
Ive NEVER felt so LIMITED in my LIFE!
Its like im a little kid all over again. I cant speak, I cant understand, and I dont really know whats going on most of the time.
Do you know how embarassing it is to be 17 years old, and not be able to understand simple directions, or conversation?!
Exchange is hard because it isnt like after having a bad day at school, you can just go home and forget about it. You have the same issues of not understanding and not being able to speak ALL the time, EVERY day, ANYWHERE you go! I can NEVER get a break from it! EVEN IN MY SLEEP!!! ...I even DREAM in Finnish!!!
Do you know what its like to understand NOTHING ALL THE TIME!? ...EVEN IN YOUR SLEEP!?
Dont get me wrong, I LOVE my Exchange, and I LOVE everything about Finland. Nothing is going wrong, and I know that I have absolutly NOTHING to complain about...But Exchange is just hard.
One of the hardest parts for me right now is actually finding things to talk about with people back home. (And I am honestly sorry if this comes out wrong, but I think I really need to write this because you need to understand.) Its hard because they dont understand what youre going through. They cant relate to your experience of never undersanding anything around you, or always hearing and speaking another language. You cant relate to it unless you have experienced it, and I experience it every single day. Its not that I dont want to message anyone from home, or that I purposfully forget to email anyone...It just feels a bit awkward for me, because I dont know what we can talk about. Its been so long since the last time we talked, that catching up just feels...awkward. I dont know how else to explain it, and I REALLY hope that came out right.
(Ill explain this a little better...My Rotary District back home has a "90 Day" rule, where we are not allowed to instant message or skype anyone from home for the first 3 months of our Exchanges. I actually abided by this rule, and now I just find it a little difficult, and even awkward to message people from home that I used to message a lot...having a conversation catching up on EVERYTHING from the past 3 months is a little awkward...especially when you arent even the same person anymore.) :P
(Ill explain this a little better...My Rotary District back home has a "90 Day" rule, where we are not allowed to instant message or skype anyone from home for the first 3 months of our Exchanges. I actually abided by this rule, and now I just find it a little difficult, and even awkward to message people from home that I used to message a lot...having a conversation catching up on EVERYTHING from the past 3 months is a little awkward...especially when you arent even the same person anymore.) :P
Now heres where I tie all this in with the, "Awkward Phase" haha. Being an Exchange Student is great. I love every single minute of it, and I love the decision I made to become a Rotary Exchange Student. I just feel like right now is the "Awkward Phase" of my Exchange. I feel like its just a transition phase from still figuring out how things work, and sepperating myself from home more. Its the phase in your Exchange when youre still having struggles understanding anything, and struggles with the language and getting to know how things work. I thought this was a post that I needed to make, because it seems to be a phase that most exchagne students go through...well...at least the current exchange students that I know. :)
“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
Jenn, you are quite the journalist and I love how you are bold and clear about all that you encounter. I would imagine that as the newness wears off, and you're faced with the realities of the language barrier, that you will both see and feel that challenge much more strongly. But keep in mind what your country officer Dan said. One day, usually in December, suddenly something switches, and you realize that you "can and do" understand, that you can listen and grasp every word spoken. In that day you'll realize that you are no longer the stranger here, but that it is time to go to school.
ReplyDeleteI know you. I know the bright, optimistic hard working quirky girl you are. In that day, I believe you will be surrounded by many friends. And in that day the together, fun overtly kind and smart girl you are will be revealed. Hang in here. It's only been just over two months. We are so proud of all the progress you have made and the milestones you will yet make. Thank you for making us all wish we could be exchange students. We love you and love that you share the journey the way that it is. I marvel at he beauty of your Finnish home, it's lands, people, and culture. Thank you for bringing us to your world through your words.
With Love from home---Your biggest fan,
Mom
As someone who has gone through pretty much the exact same thing (minus the temptations of email/IM/Skype -- we had built-in limitations, including just one phone call a month to home, letter-writing only!) -- it does get better. And it also... remains difficult. That's part of the whole journey. You learn throughout the entire year how to adjust. And then you go home, and then THAT's really hard. You're right -- being an exchange student IS hard. But it will change your life for the better. I grew up in Philomath and went to Oulu, Finland -- I totally get it. I loved my year in Rotary AND it was really hard. You're learning so much about yourself and your host country. It's also OK sometimes to say, "This sucks!!" because sometimes it does!! But then other times are so magical and amazing you can't believe it. Enjoy it all.
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