Sunday, March 9, 2014

True Meaning of Exchange

This is going to be about something thats been on my mind for awhile. To tell you honestly, im not sure how this is going to come out; but I just really want to get this off my chest. And I feel like this is something other Exchange Students, and even future Exchangers should hear.

I started this blog over a year ago, and A LOT has changed through out this ENTIRE experience. Ive blogged about almost everything thus far; however I feel like in this post I need to give a little, "heart to heart", Exchanger to Exchanger. ;)

I want to tell you all a story: 

7 months ago, a girl hopped on an airplane and flew to a place completly foreign and strange. She had never heard the language spoken before, and had only met a grand total of TWO people from the country she was going to. When she arrived, she took only a weeks worth of language classes with other Exchange Students before meeting her host family, and started school a day and a half after meeting them. Yepp. That girl was me. 

 
 


I came here on a total whim of faith. 

When I first started school, I was terrified to DEATH. Everyone was speaking a language I had only heard for the first time in my life a week earlier, and I had only been studying it for a few DAYS.  I didnt know a single person, and it was only my SECOND day in the city. I didn't understand a WORD the teacher was saying, and everyone looked at me like I was from another planet. I didn't understand where I needed to be a when, and I didn't understand how the school lunches worked. I was complete and total stranger to everything and everyone around me. It was the scariest day of my life! 

I was wondering WHY I was here. I thought I had made the worst mistake...and I never wanted to go back to that school again! I was asking myself WHY I did this to myself. WHY I left everything I had ever known to go to a place I had never heard the language, a country I had only met TWO people from in my entire life...I was frustrated, and I felt like I was pushed SO far out of my comfort zone, being thrown into everything way too quickly; and there wasn't ANY place I could escape and feel comfortable or understood.



 
BUT: I learned SO much about myself than I ever thought I could. 

I learned that I feel most comfortable when I am uncomfortable; 


and I learned that Finland was THE best thing that ever happened to me! 



After that first week of school, I started to find my feet on the ground again. I didnt feel like a turtle without its shell anymore. I started learning the ropes, slowly but surly. I started to understand what was going on around me, and it didnt feel so scary anymore.

 
 
I started learning Finnish culture. Which was so foreign and opposite of my own. It was hard at first, and I didnt understand why people did the things they did. I didnt know how to act or what to say most of the time. I didnt know how to make friends and meet people without scaring them away. I had to step back and just watch. I had to relearn how to present basic greetings and how to start conversations with people. And eventually I learned how to see things through their eyes and understand things in a way I had never seen before. And it was like I was a totally different person. 



 
I kept trying to study the language, and trying to learn it with everything I had. I didnt know where to start, and it was hard. I sat in class everyday making basic verb flashcards and tried to teach myself verbs and simple words. It was frustrating, and I felt like a small child again. I didnt even know the verb, "to walk"! Everything was really challenging, and it was hard because I wanted to communicate with my classmates SO badly, but didnt know how to even put together a simple sentence!


 
It took a long time to start picking up the language, and slowly and slowly I could start understanding what people around me were saying. Through this time in my exchange, I experienced my first EVER hockey game and even tried snowboarding for the first time! My Exchange really started taking off, and I was slowly meeting people and learning how to befriend the Finns.


 


It was still really challenging, and it took me a long time to make friends. I thought I was doing things wrong, and I didn't understand why I wasn't making friends- and I slowly learned throughout the whole experience that it was JUST how Finns were, and that it was how the culture in Finland was. It was really an eye-opening experience for me to realize that I really WASNT doing anything wrong, and that I just needed to keep doing what I was doing and go out and keep talking with people.



 I had my share of challenges, and down the road, I realized that as my language skills were getting better, that I didn't have friends to speak in Finnish with! I had realized that the time I was spending studying and trying to speak, was crucial time I was spending where I could have been with people and with my classmates. I knew that speaking with people was the best way to learn a language, however- with Finnish, it just wasn't realistic that I would learn enough to make good friends by ONLY speaking Finnish.

Finnish isn't exactly related to any other language, and it is opposite to English in every single way. As much as I tried to convince myself, the reality was that Foreigners can live in Finland for years and years and still struggle with Finnish. I was trying to shove the language into my head and learn it, but the reality was that I could not learn Finnish in a year.

It was difficult for me to realize, because while I was so set on learning the language...I HAD to realize that although language is a big part of exchange...I needed to take another look back to the ORIGINAL reason WHY someone becomes an exchange student.

You become an Exchange Student to open up your world. To learn a new culture. To learn how people live differently around the world, and eventually realize how beautiful and small the world really is; and that you can hold it in your hands. You become an Exchange Student to realize that everything you knew before hand was wrong, and that things aren't always the way they seem. You become an Exchange Student to befriend people from all over the world, and to learn how to appreciate things more than you did before, and with new eyes.

 
 
 
 
 



And I learned that I was NOT going to achieve this unless I put my guard down, (and in this case, put my notecards down) Finnish was, and STILL is a big part of my exchange...but in order to really live my Exchange to the fullest potential of what it could be, I needed to be okay with the amount of Finnish I had already learned. I needed to tell myself that I was NOT a failure.

I felt like I was hanging onto a tree branch, and I needed to let go. I felt defeated, when in fact I had done the exact opposite. I had learned to really live, and to accept.

 
 
 

 


I had learned that just because you do not learn a language fluently, it does not make you a failure as an Exchange Student; and that as long as you keep TRYING, and THRIVING- you are succeeding. I do believe language is a very important part of an Exchange, but in my case- having the mindset of being fluent in the world´s second language in ONE YEAR, was getting in the way of my original reasons for exchange and the original reasons why someone goes on exchange.

I needed to come to terms that I was NOT a failure, and that it didn't define me as an Exchange Student, and it didn't define whether or not I was just plain stupid or whether or not I was a hard worker. It didn't make me any less successful as the next exchange student, and that it was OKAY.

 Part of Exchange is giving yourself to others, and receiving knowledge back in return. Its giving your culture to someone else, and you taking theirs back with you. Its learning how to understand things you do differently, and realize that you do a lot of the same things- but in different ways. (And sometimes you even learn the way they do things are more efficient!) :)





Wrapped up in one package, Exchange is beautiful. Its rapid, and always moving. Its brutal. Hurtful. Uncomfortable. Overwhelming. Unexpected. Eye opening. Crazy. And most importantly, amazing.

Its thinking you know EXACTLY who you are and what you what to do with your life, to having NO idea who you are and why you are doing what you are doing...and in the end, you turn out being someone new. Its finding yourself, when you didn't even know you needed to be found.



Its learning how to be sure of yourself, and trusting in yourself. Its learning you can do things you never thought were possible, and learning that you can do anything you set your mind to. Its living thousands of miles away from everyone you know, and everything you have ever known...and learning you CAN do it; even though the self doubt, and doubt from everyone else.



Its uncomfortable, and at times you feel like you don't belong anywhere. Its frustrating and confusing. It feels like you are the 3rd, 4th- sometimes 6th wheel to everyone. Its feeling like you don't know what to do or what to say, ALL the time! Its feeling like you want to hide behind the security of a paper bag or inside of a cardboard box.



Its home. Its learning home isn't a place, but that its a feeling inside of you. Its gaining a grand total of 3 amazing mothers, 3 amazing fathers, 5 sisters, and 3 brothers. Its gaining new families, one of which is a family whose members are from all around each corner of the globe; who I can call at anytime. Its lifelong friendships and a couch to sleep on in countries I don't have enough fingers to count!





 
 
 
An Exchange isn't JUST a single year in your life...its an entire lifetime in a year; and no one can ever relate to it unless they have been through it. You gain new best friends, new families, new school, new adventures...and a new life. And this is MY beloved Finnish life. Its something I treasure more than anything I could ever imagine.
 
And ALL of this, wrapped up into one, big box- is the true meaning of Exchange. Exchange is something that I will always hold close to my heart. Its something that connects me to so many people around the world, and links my heart to (currently) 4 generations of Rotary Youth Exchange Students.
 


 
 
This year has taught me that no matter where you come from, your dreams and ambitions are valid, and that you are a product of your experiences. It has taught me that we are all connected, despite cultural differences. It has taught me to go for my own dreams and ambitions and that I can catch them and hold them in my hands, no matter how out of reach they may seem.
 
This year I have accomplished more than I ever thought I could! I learned how to snowboard, while being taught in another LANGUAGE. I learned how to celebrate different holidays. I learned how to cross boarders and discover different lands I never knew existed, and I learned how to love people from so many different backgrounds and places in different corners in the world.
 
And most importantly- I have learned that if I can get through all of these crazy things- that I can get through anything. If I can learn how to snowboard while being taught in FINNISH, and if I can give a presentation in another language, and celebrate Christmas miles and miles away from my family...I can do anything! After this year, I have zero self doubt in myself; and I feel ready to take on the world and the path ahead of me.
 
 
For a long time, I felt as though this year was a time-bomb. That it was a dream land, where I would eventually wake up at the end, and find myself in the same familiar house and bed. I felt like time was ticking down, and that at the end I would "die.". My Finnish life would disappear completely. And in a way, it IS true that my life will never be this way again. I will never be with the same people again, and I will never live like this again.
But I learned that this ISNT the case; and although I may be sad about eventually leaving Finland and my Finnish life, this isn't the end. Its only the beginning. I get to take all of these values and memories with me forever, and I get to apply them to my life, and watch where they lead me.
 
 
 
This year has made me ready to take on the next steps in my life, and see what adventures lay ahead of me. I learned that an Exchange never truly ends for those who pursue more. I learned that if I take what I learn from this year, and run after my future- that I can achieve whatever I pursue. I may still have a lot more to learn about life, and I may not be ready to leave Finland...but I am ready to accept that I will eventually have to leave this Wonderland of mine.
 

 
 
I guess the main point of this post is to really write about what not only what exchange in general means to me, but what MY personal Exchange means to me. Its not JUST what Finland or what Rotary has done for my exchange, but its what my Exchange has done for my life and how I have changed throughout this year. Its not something I can write about in a sentence or two, and its hard to sum up everything I think about Exchange in general, and my personal Exchange in Finland.
 
I wanted to write this post for any Exchangers who were struggling with the same issues as I have struggled with, and for future exchangers who are curious, and even people who are just wondering how my personal Exchange has inspired and changed me throughout this year. :)
 
 
Theres a quote that I love and its, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by...And that has made all the difference.
" I have learned to really fall in love with this quote, because I feel as though that by taking the road less traveled by, it really HAS made all of the difference in my life. Not just by choosing to be a Rotary Exchange Student, and not just by choosing to come to Finland...but everything that has been given to me and all of the little things in between. And I couldn't have asked for anything better in a million years. :)
 
 
 
 
“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.”
 
 
 
 
 
 


5 comments:

  1. Beautifully conceived thoughts and convictions. You are having an amazing experience - seeing with new eyes and walking through difficulty with boundless faith in your ability to cope, survive, and actually enjoy the experience. You are correct, you will return to a world of familiarity, but will not ever be the same again. You will create your own future.

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  2. You are learning that you can do hard things, and many people never learn that. Your life is changed for the better and you will change others around you for the better too. How wonderful! Enjoy the rest of your adventure! - Valerie Knaupp

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  3. Wonderfully put. I can confirm, that 20 years later... it's still one of the most important experiences of my whole life... and those friendships are still strong and so important to me! Enjoy every second, don't worry about the language too much (you are doing AMAZING) and just soak it up!!!

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  4. Oon kanssa samassa koulussa, Lyseossa. tosi kivaa ja mielenkiintoista lukea tätä sun blogia!! olisi kiva jutella joskus vaikka koulussa! :)

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  5. moikka! I'm from Mexico and I'm in a day to start my exchange to Finland too! I love to read about your experince and advices they are very helpful. I hope to have such a great experince as yourself. Thanks for thinking about the ones that are on their way (as me)

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